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Last updateMon, 07 Jul 2014 9am

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TWO little boys stole a bag of oranges from their neighbor and decided to go to a calm place to share the loot'' one of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, 2 oranges fell out of the bag behind the gate' but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minuets latter a drunkard on his way from a local bar passes near the cemetery gate and heard a voice:
“One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you”
He immediately sobers up and runs as fast as he can to the local priest.
"Father, father, please come with me come and witness God and Satan sharing corpse at the cemetery.”
They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued:
"One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you..
Suddenly the voice stops counting and says:
“What about the two at the gate?"
Omo! come see marathon ....even the priest almost pass church gate !!! shouting we are not dead yet.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is!

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her husband!"

Jimoh and Kate are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and Kate's in the bathroom. As Jimoh's getting undressed he says to himself, "How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smallest feet?" Then he throws his socks under the bed. Kate walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimoh runs past her and *he* goes into the bathroom. Kate sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him." Just then Jimoh walks out of the bathroom. Kate runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, "Honey, I've got to tell you something." Jimoh says, "Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks."

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
“What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriages. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counsellor spoke to the husband,” your wife needs that at least twice a week!”
The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

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